I was grateful for it as my long time love and I have split and while I respect his decision and for the most part am fine, there are times when out of nowhere a gaping hole appears in my heart which seems as though it's never going to close over. We're still in touch, in some ways more so than ever, but he's so far away and I miss him so much - I can't foresee us ever losing contact, but to know that he no longer treasures an image of a shared future makes me so sad. Mabon gave me the chance to look at this from a positive point of view and to recognise that while we are no longer lovers, we are still incredibly good friends. We've shared everything in life except for birth together and we still care very much for each other. He is on a different path at this point in time, as am I, and our split leaves me free to pursue my interests unhindered and the possibilities are endless. Who knows what might happen in the future? While I'm not holding out for it, I do secretly hope that one day we might be together once more. That's how I feel when I'm in a positive frame of mind anyway, dear blog. Other times are a different matter, but I'm human so try and be a bit gentle on myself.
Apart from the state of my (now non-existent) love life, I was also able to give thanks for my magnificent daughter, my incredibly loving and supportive family, the fact that I am living in one of the most beautiful places in my country, one of the most fulfilling jobs I have ever held and the fact that I can now turn my attention to acquiring a bit of land I can call my own and an appropriate vehicle to go with it. I was able to reflect on how lucky we are compared to others and give thought to how I might like to celebrate Mabon next year and have decided to hold the equivalent of a thanksgiving dinner and have mine and my daughters' friends over for a huge feast to let them know how much they are appreciated and how much joy they bring to our lives.
The mornings continue to have that delicious coolness in the air and the nights are sometimes the same as well. I wake to the sound of magpies warbling and close my windows at night to the sound of kookaburras and cockatoos. In spite of the fact that the first frost is probably not too far away, I've been gardening and loving every minute of it. I've planted some Wild Iris along the driveway which seem to be thriving, a Bees' Ruby (Armeria alliacea × maritima), some lemon grass, broccoli and some red bunching onions in the little garden at the bottom of the back stairs, and two Dawson River Weepers (Callistemon or bottle brush) at the bottom of the back garden. They all seem to be thriving, except for the bottle brush which were a bit heat affected before I planted them, however I'm keeping an eye on them and hoping they come good. I also planted out a fig, although I'm not sure that it's still alive! It's lost all it's leaves but the roots looked okay, so I figure no harm in trying!
I have basil and strawberries growing on my back step, along with some lettuce seedlings that have just come through which I plan to keep in the pot on my back verandah through Winter so that the frost doesn't get them, and am contemplating planting beans and snow peas along the side fence, although need to do some more research to see if a mild frost would kill them off first. All in all I feel as though my green thumb is starting to develop! It would be really nice at the Mabon feast next year to be able to have everything but the meat either produced from my own garden or bought at the Farmer's Markets. The thought excites me no end!
Anyway dear blog, I needed to touch base and record some thoughts. While some may not consider them witchy-related, my beliefs are so entwined with my approach to everyday life that I really cannot separate the two, so there you go, sometimes things will be more esoteric, sometimes more mundane. Today I need to finish some knitting for some swap partners on Ravelry, get stuck in to an assignment that's due this coming Friday, drop Young Goddess in town for a day trip she's embarking on and tend to the garden and dinner. If I get some spare time (ha!) I might also do some work on a couple of websites I'm working on, one of which is a paid proposition - even my foundling small business is starting to prosper!
For all of this and more, I am grateful.